Sneeze: A Love Story

(Comedic, 1 M, 1 F, 1 Flexible)
Imogen becomes allergic to everything she loves… including her new love interest, Patrick. 

First performed at Nazareth College in 2013


“IMOGEN: I’m sorry, but I’ve been going over it in my head every day for the past two weeks and it has never once ended in a happy way. We’ll spend all this money trying to figure out the problem. I’ll go to the hospital a few more times with puffy lips and a swollen throat. But because I’m a weirdo and because medical science has yet to explain everything, we’ll never be able to figure it out. And then we’ll have wasted months trying to make it, while realizing that we’re not right for each other after all. I’ll hate that you snore, and you’ll hate that I eat cereal with a fork, and eventually we’ll just be two hateful miserable sick people. 

PATRICK: I don’t snore. 

IMOGEN: Well then it would be something else that annoys me about you. Like um… the way you take your coffee! 

PATRICK: My coffee? 

IMOGEN: Yes! Just cream! No sugar. That’s weird. 

PATRICK: How is that weird? I don’t like my coffee really sweet. 

IMOGEN: Then why not just have it black then? Just cream is like this weird in between point. 

PATRICK: Ok, I’ll try it black sometime. 

IMOGEN: But you shouldn’t! You shouldn’t change your preference of coffee condiments simply because some strange girl told you it was weird. Achoo! 

PATRICK: Bless– 

IMOGEN: No! No! No! Don’t say bless you. Don’t be considerate! Stop being attractive! Stop being nice to me! I can’t go out with you!”


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